Questionable Dental Management

I know the Wallenda family is famous for death-defying trapeze acts and other such amazing feats at dangerous heights, but when I read about this woman, Erendira Wallenda, who set a record for the highest suspension above Niagara Falls by hanging 300 feet above the flow by her teeth from a hoop, all I can think is “What is wrong with you people?”

First of all, I’m going to look over the fact that I think that Erendira has one too many syllables in her name–mostly because I can’t figure out which is the extra one–we’ll live with that, but, come on! It’s not crazy or daring enough to just be suspended or hang 300 feet above Niagara Falls, but you gotta do it by your teeth? Did these people not have loving parents? Do they not care to eat solid food?

I’m just kidding, of course; for people who are impressed with such things, this is an amazing feat with all recognition deserved. Just because I’m not one of those people shouldn’t take anything away from it. Of course it’s crazy for all of us who would never contemplate such a thing; if it weren’t, it wouldn’t be worth it for daredevils to do it. Still, man….

But, who knows, maybe the thinking might be, “What’s it matter if I plunge to my death in Niagara Falls? I don’t know if life will be worth living if I can’t bite into a raw potato.”

It takes all kinds, I guess.

On a side note, for those of you who would like to risk your lives, get scared shitless, and destroy your teeth at the same time, but don’t quite have the stones to hang over Niagara Falls from your teeth, there’s always Meth.

That could be an ad campaign. Risk your life, scare yourself shitless, and destroy your teeth all at the same time: Meth, the multi-tasker’s drug.

There are times when I look down at the page and don’t know how I got here. This is one of those times.


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