Winning Powerball Ticket

All right, before one more person asks me, yes, I have bought my Powerball ticket. I hadn’t planned to buy one, but it seemed that my having failed to do so disappointed so many people that $2 seemed a small price to pay.

That’s going to be what makes my story so amazing when I win the darn thing; the news stories are all going to be about how the winner of the $700 million prize didn’t even buy the ticket with the hopes of winning, but only to tell people who asked that he had indeed bought a ticket. I hate to talk about myself in the third person like that, but everybody else is going to be talking about me, so why shouldn’t I?

I wrestled with whether or not to reveal my numbers to you, and I have chosen to not do so. I haven’t so chosen because someone told me it’s bad luck to do so–they did–but because, as nice as all of you are, stopping by this website here to read my little thoughts and all, once I win you’re all going to turn in to begging little sons of bees’ butts.

You’ll be calling and texting and emailing, just trying to get a little piece of my pie, and that’s just going to cause bad blood between us, and I wouldn’t want that. What kind of magnanimous multi-millionaire would I be if I turned back on all you poor people once I come into my money?

I will tell you this, though; I am not going to keep working after I win. I’m not even going to work tomorrow, like people do for a couple of weeks so folks don’t know they won. They do that because they don’t want everyone to come begging. I, on the other hand, don’t mind if you come begging; if it comes down to me having to work a couple more weeks or having to tell you ‘no, you can’t have any of my $443 million dollars,’ I’m going with ‘no’ all day long, baby.

So, if you stop in Chili’s tomorrow, don’t bother to ask where I am; they won’t have any idea.

It isn’t like I’m not going to give any of my winnings away, however; if the payout after taxes comes to something in the neighborhood of $325 million, then that will be definitely be more than I need. I can’t see myself needing more than $324 million, so stick around; who knows, you might get your cut after all.

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