Paulelmo's Blog

Just the same old me today (The lingering thoughts from a troublesome dream)

Son, Unemployed, Parents, Nervous, Lazy

It’s interesting, and sometimes troubling, how life brings things back around. This is taken from the remnants of a somewhat disturbing dream, but it doesn’t apply to my life these days. It once did; I thought I would just pull things together when I needed, but life doesn’t work like that. There’s a line in the Stephen Simmons song “All the Time I”ve Got,” which always hits home. Stephen says, “Sometimes all we are is just who we’ll be.”

When I was younger and still drinking, I always thought I’d make the changes when I needed to make the changes. The thing is, it doesn’t work that way; if we can’t make the changes we need to make now, we have to wonder if we can really make those changes.

I’m pleased to have lived to the point where I don’t have to worry about these things for myself, but that isn’t to say that I can’t have a 12 year-old son to keep them fresh in my mind.

That’s where this comes from. It does also come from the remnants of a troubling dream, hence the phrasing of the words “roses folded”; I would have never phrased it like that in my awakened mind, but those are the two words that lingered most from the dream, the two words that helped me keep my grasp on it as it faded, so I chose to keep the odd phrasing.

Hope you find some value in this. I hope you’re well and that you remain kind to one another.

***

The song “All the Time I’ve Got” comes from Stephen Simmons’s album “Something in Between.” Stephen is a friend and an old school Nashville troubadour, and this is an excellent album for fans of accomplished singer/songwriters. I’ve posted a video for the song at the bottom of the post, and there’s a review of the album in the “Album Reviews” section of this site.

Just the Same Old Me Today

Thought I’d prepared myself for when
the roses folded,
thought I knew the path away from where
the grass had gone to brown,
thought I was set to face
all the coming horrors,
but now I find I’m just
the same old shell of a man
in the same old beat down town.

Thought I could make myself be
all you’d ever wanted,
thought I could be the thing
that made all your dreams come true,
thought I could deconstruct the riddles
and find all the hidden answers,
but then the future came so soon.

Should have listened when they warned me
that who you are is who you’ll be
instead of thinking I could just
recreate myself
whenever I might need,
should have known that
a better me is
more than a wish away.
And here I am today,
just the same old me today.

Thought I could just reach and
turn the switch whenever I wanted
Thought I could change
the face in the glass
on a whim,
but when I wipe the steam away,
nobody new looking back today;
there’s a man I hope to be,
but that’s not him.

***

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